Seniors fighting the blues
Over the holidays, there's emotional safety in numbers

James Fuller and Kathryn Grondin
Daily Herald Staff Writers

George Wamsley is spending his first holiday season without his wife, Violet.

She died after an illness just weeks before Thanksgiving.

Like many seniors who experience a loss this time of year, Wamsley had a choice. He could sit alone and depressed during the holidays, imprisoned by his grief, or he could channel the emotions of his loss.

Wamsley, 81, cried his tears, then got moving. He volunteers for the local PADS homeless shelter in Wheaton and delivers Meals On Wheels to seniors less mobile than he.

In both activities, he finds chances to talk, not just about Violet, but about life in general and the lives of those he's helping. He doesn't mope; he socializes.

"There's no reason to be lonely," he said. "The stuff I go out and do, that helps get rid of the sadness. It's my therapy."

Wamsley is following a successful path to coping with his grief, said Randalynn Kaye of Wyndemere Senior Living Campus, where he resides.

"George is someone who is appreciative about someone reaching out to him," she said. "The people that cope best are the ones that don't isolate themselves."

Social networks are key for seniors, especially in winter when the weather can keep them homebound.

During the holidays, thoughts of loss, failing health and the past come to the surface even more readily because it's typically a time of togetherness and reminiscing, said Carol Wozniewski, interim director of the National Mental Health Association's Illinois affiliate.

"They remember how it used to be and what they used to do, and while that can be good, that can also cause you to think about what you don't have anymore," she said. "Seniors then tend to think, 'What am I here for anymore?' "

That's where seemingly little things like a supportive phone call from a loved one or a visit from a neighbor can make such a big difference.

But not everyone follows that path or has a friendly neighbor, which may be part of why the holidays are commonly associated with higher suicide rates.

There's no reason to be lonely. The stuff I go out and do, that helps get rid of the sadness. It's my therapy,"
George Wamsley, 81, of Wheaton

Marcelle Bright/Daily Herald

Bert Hanson, from left, Avis Newbold, Madelon Hanson and George Wamsley, all residents of Wyndemere retirement community in Wheaton, rely on camaraderie to stay upbeat during the holidays.

While the triggers for depression are present this time of year, it's actually a myth that suicides increase around the holidays, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

Studies by those groups show suicide rates being lower in November and December than in other months. April is the peak month for suicide.

But depression around the holidays needs not rise to that level to be of concern. And seniors are more likely to simply isolate themselves from others when feeling the holiday blues, experts said.

It's not just the loss of loved ones but the loss of holiday traditions and routines that can threaten the emotional well-being of older people.

"For many of them, for the first time in their lives they're not able to celebrate their traditions," said Greg Kennedy, administrator for The Arlington Rehabilitation and Living Center in Long Grove.

"They've had to adjust to a new living situation, which many times doesn't allow them to celebrate their traditions that they've celebrated for 70- or 80-plus years," he said.

Bert and Madelon Hanson of Wheaton haven't lost their holiday traditions. They just have different roles in them than they used to.

"You're not in charge anymore. You're a guest," Madelon Hanson said. "It took some getting used to. I don't like everything (my children) do. But now it's a great feeling. You can relax and just enjoy."

Seniors without family to spend the holidays with can often find outlets at local retirement homes, whether they live there or not.

Staffs at nursing homes and retirement centers throughout the suburbs coordinate an array of activities and trips, as well as mental health programs. Facilities like Arlington Rehabilitation and Living Center let residents carry on some traditions, like baking, decorating or lighting a menorah. Some just require supervision.

Every two weeks year-round, the nurse at The Devonshire of Hoffman Estates

leads a lifting-spirits program, which is reinforced by a larger beating-the-holiday-blues presentation around Christmas.

On the lighter side, The Devonshire holds numerous festive activities, including a community dinner the week of Christmas, personalized holiday cards and visits from local Scout troops for its 275 seniors.

"If you have a community supporting you and you feel a part of something, that always helps you get through the season much better," Executive Director Jennifer Gamache said.

Likewise, Victory Lakes Continuing Care in Lindenhurst, The Holmstad in Batavia and The Arlington also keep older residents busy with activities.

"Some people think nursing homes ... people go there to die," said Bobbi Pinka, activity director at Victory Lakes. "We don't take that attitude. We think people come here to live."

The Holmstad hosts visits from Scout troops, performances by the Fox Valley Concert Band and Santa Lucia celebrations in honor of the area's large Swedish population.

"We keep them involved in the holiday," said Kathy Viney, Holmstad's activity director. "They are probably busier here than if they were living in their own homes in the community."

The Batavia complex also organizes numerous day trips for its 600 residents, who range from independent older adults to seniors who need skilled nursing care.

"They do have something for everyone no matter what your interest," Holmstad resident Mary-Ellen Pioch said. "We have so much fun."

Resources for seniors to combat depression

• Illinois Department on Aging Senior Help Line: (800) 252-8966
• Northeastern Illinois Area Agency on Aging, serving DuPage, Kane, Lake, McHenry and Will counties: (800) 528-2000 or (630) 293- 5990
• Suburban Area Agency on Aging, serving suburban Cook County: (800) 699-9043 or (708) 383-0258
• Most townships and many villages and cities also have senior service divisions or can refer local seniors to other area resources